NEWSLETTER:
Latest Newsletter
Archived by
date
ARTICLES:
Inspirational articles
Career satisfaction
Motivational articles
Goal setting
Communication
Sales and marketing
Humor and creativity
Technology articles
Free monthly success tips! Enter your email address!
July 2005
Success Harmony Newsletter
"THE PARROT TEST"
Normally, I wouldn't exactly call fortune cookie messages the height of depth and wisdom, but the latest one I saw both made me laugh and think. It said, "So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip."
Now, I assume that this message isn't talking about what intimate things may be happening within the confines of the home. Hopefully, the parrot wouldn't know how to re-enact or say those things, no matter who it got sold to. The message, to my mind, simply says that we'd better consider what we say, who we say it about, and if we would be OK with our words being repeated by someone else in any other context. And, as in the parrot's case, probably taken out of context and repeated over and over again. Usually, the most embarrassing parts would be most likely to be remembered and repeated by the parrot. Otherwise, if the parrot was only to ever repeat things like "Good day" and "What's for dinner tonight?", there would be no cause for concern.
Most of us are not celebrities and politicians so we don't need to worry about paparazzi jumping into our living rooms in the middle of a cocktail party or about having our phone lines bugged by the media waiting for us to serve up a tintillating comment or two that can sell millions of Enquirer copies the next day. So it's easy to assume for us mere mortals that what we say to one person about another person will not get passed on. However, what if we thought and communicated as if that communication could and would keep going?
So, if you have just mentally checked through your latest mental gossip files at work and looked around yourself suspiciously, you know what I'm talking about. Have you ever told jokes at your boss' expense that you think could get you fired if he heard you? Have you ever listened to someone talk to you about another person's weight issues, bad breath, choice of hairstyle, messed up boyfriend, etc.? If so, would you sell the family parrot to the town gossip? If so, maybe just make sure enough money comes in from the sale to move far, far away.
Here's the deal - to me, at least. There isn't anything wrong with noticing and saying things about others. What makes the difference is the intent and the audience. When the intent is to put someone down, it doesn't just do that. It also decreases the trust between us and the person listening to us. Why not? If I am mouthing away about another person in front of you, how can you trust me that I won't mouth away about you to someone else when you aren't there? On the other hand, if the intent is to discuss something about another person where the intent is to figure out a strategy to help out the other person, why not? We're just processing something that we want to share with the object of the discussion anyway, just in a way that will make sense to them rather than offend. And how about jokes? If I am willing to say the same joke about my boss to his face as I am saying to you, that's cool. Hopefully, the boss will laugh along with me. If not, I will take responsibility for what I said.
And the biggest single benefit of thinking about what we say about other people? We don't ever have to remember who we should avoid having in the same room, and we never need to try to remember what story we may have told to someone. Ah, how much simpler life can be!
Sunshine and smiles,
Pavla
"Kindness
is in our power, even when fondness is not."
Samuel Johnson
"You can tell more
about a person by what he says about others than
you can by what others say about him."
Leo Aikman
"Kindness is the language
which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."
Mark Twain